Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
