in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
