i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are all done wearing pants today
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