I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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