I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"