is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
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To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.