I cannot find my penis.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize
