We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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