His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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