Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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