"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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