dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
