Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
