i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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