Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
