come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it penis luge time yet?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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