You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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