she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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