Your dad touched me again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
