I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
