I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
