After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
