Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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