I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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