hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
