Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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