I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
