Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
