I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize