You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
