My friends, they love my intelligence
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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