I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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