I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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