Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
