So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
