Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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