My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
