I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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