Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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