it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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