Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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