If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
