it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
