The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this is an emotional support booty call
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
