Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
