We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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