he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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