don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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