I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
