So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
