My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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