According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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