I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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