just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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