dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
