In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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