so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
