Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
