I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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