went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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