Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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