kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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