and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
