Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
