umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
