Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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