I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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