Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
