I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
