I faked an abortion last night.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
