I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
