you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
