How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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