Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
