I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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