I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
