it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
