Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
