Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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