cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
