he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
