i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't deserve a penis
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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