Where is the hickey?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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