The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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